Obviously, I’m back! I appreciate everyone’s notes & concerns about my whereabouts – it’s always nice to feel loved, especially with what I’ve been going through. The crux of the matter is that I didn’t realize how deeply I had let unhappiness sink, & I’d been making excuses for why I’m not happy. It’s not necessarily a depression, but it took a good shake to get me to realize that hey! I’m being a bit hypocritical, & I need to start loving life! If I can’t be happy when things are going okay (they aren’t great, but they aren’t bad by any stretch of the imagination), what will I do if something really does implode in my life? I have my job, a career I love, a fantastic, supportive & loving man in my life, & three wonderful kitties. This is in addition to a pretty fabulous family & several good friends.

I’ve been saying for awhile now that I’ll be happy when we find someplace to call our own; when we get out of Ohio; when we do this or that. But with all those other things going well, why does happiness hinge on that one variable? It doesn’t, obviously. So for the last few weeks I’ve really been trying to work on “getting my groove back,” & although it’s a work in progress, I’m doing marvelously compared to a short while ago.

I’ve been reading Happiness by Matthieu Ricard, & I find it endlessly fascinating. More than once I’ve come away feeling more enlightened; it’s pretty obvious that for whatever reason, I’ve chosen this “suffering.” That’s just downright silly, wouldn’t you think? So now I’m learning to love & appreciate everything. I’ll never have a perfect life, & something is always bound to go at least slightly wrong – roads will be detoured, kitties will get sick, the car will act up, a key ingredient for what I wanted to make for dinner won’t be stocked in my rather small kitchen. It’s how we react when things don’t go as planned that show our true grace. Do you turn around & head home, or consider the new route an adventure? Are you stuck at home without a car, or does this give you the opportunity to explore the neighborhood on foot? Is dinner now peanut butter & jelly, or are you given the opportunity to discover if that ingredient is really necessary, thus streamlining your recipe?

It’s a work in progress – we all have things that push us over the edge. My reaction for many things is an explosion of tears, which is hardly a mature response. But little by little, but I’m learning to find the laughter in every situation. Wish me luck!